爱过的心，伤痕累累！

不是每个擦肩而过的人都会相识，也不是每个相识的人都会让人牵挂。至少我们在今生，在那个地方，在一转身的时候没有错过。 在我们双眼相望的时候，在眼中找到了爱的缘份。若大的地球上能和你相遇真的不容易，感谢上天给了我们这次相识，相恋的缘份。 曾经我也带给你快乐，曾经我也带给你幸福。 曾经我也让你焦灼和无奈，曾经你也让我等待和期盼。 也曾经我们都忘了自己，体会那心跳的感觉和缠绵的爱。 只是有一段感情再也不可能继续，有一个人再也不能相依偎，有一个声音再也不能经常的在耳边响起，有一双手再也握不住那手心的温度与舒适。 不是每一段爱情都有美丽的回忆，也不是每段回忆都是那么的刻骨铭心。 我们既然不能相伴到老，就让我在这里为你祝福。因为你已是我今生永远无法割舍的牵挂。只是再多的思念和牵挂也换不回拥有你的日子。失去第一次最爱的人竟是这种感觉，原来爱你和放弃一样的不容易。也许你的那句‘我爱你’曾经是个玩笑，但我付出的依然是最真的心。 如果你真的爱过我，那我是幸福的。就算和你走不到天涯，我的心依然为你牵挂。我会为你永远的祈祷和祝福，愿你永远的幸福---平安。当你不开心的时候，我会陪你流泪。当你不快乐的时候，我就是你的开心果。当你孤独的时候，有我在陪你说话。当你伤感的时候，我会和你一样的忧郁。当你梦见我的时候，那是我再想你了…… 不要你给我太多，不要你的任何承诺，也不要你的任何责任。不要你能深深的记着我，不要你记着我们曾经的一切一切…… 只想让你偶尔的时候还会想起我，偶尔想起那个曾经那么深深爱过你的人，那个曾经带着微笑给你温柔的，给过你完完整整的心..

GREY

My mood is in grey colour..nonono..it's in BLack~!
I don't fucking know why good things will never happen on me..always the bad one..problems problems and problems!
Nothing is good! It's so fucking unfair.
Family,love,studies,friendship...

I once relied on friendship when I was lost..cause that's the only thing I could rely on.
Friends always come first..but I still do love my family.(its just that we communicate in a different way)

TODAY IS REALLY A BAD BAD DAY FOR ME.
I don't know why.it feels like another important person gave up on me. I know It might seem too serious to say that,but that's how I feel. I'm dying inside..for a really long time..this time is like more deeper...

Disappointment is what I get. Sorry Is my bad Its all my fault. I got problems. I don't know what I'm talking.I need to see a psychologist!! My problems have never been cure so far..I'm suffering from major depression..whoever comes near me or mix too much with me might get influence by me also..I'm the only person with sad face..all of them are happy..why I just can't be one of them? I hate it so much!

You're mad at me for the reason that I didn't even think of it and the worse part I didnt even realized it..how funny is that?I don't deserve anyone. You 'll just get hurt and sick cause you havta deal with a psycho like ME!

You're mad at me
I'm Mad at myself too. I don't know what to do.
I'm tired. Exhausted.
You're right..its true..
Pretty sad right to look at me?to have a friend like me?

It was so shocking that actually you can also know my weaknesses.
Yes,I'm that kind of person.
I have low self-esteem.
I do not love myself and instead..I do not know how to..
That is why I don't deserve anyone..How could us love someone else when we don't even know how to love ourself?I'm always reminding myself that I don't deserve anyone until the day that I already start loving myself..but seems it'll never come true.

I'm feeling so sad for myself too after you telling me that you're just so sad to look at me cause I do not love myself. I do not need pity..I felt offended but I know you were right.
But instead of telling me this..is there any better things that you can do?If not then please.. just don't let me know and let me down..just keep it yourself..cause its so shameful! so shameful to have a friend like me!

This is me..that's why for having this kind of attitude..the bad things happen at the first place.
I CAN'T HELP IT~I'm like that since young!guess what?!even my mom said wanna bring me go see psychologist.
You tell me what the hell I can do?
Why would I try so hard to fix something which was already broken so badly and cannot be fix back anymore?isn't it useless? I rather be spoilt. Yes I am.
Trust me.I don't wanna hurt anybody.
Just leave me alone.

I'm So Sick!

I'm so sick about myself! I'm famous as a sicko ,friends always said Im like a medicine provider..anyone who feels sick just can come and get any medicine they want from me..menstrual panadol,normal panadol,oil,fever medicine,stomachache medice..zzz
and yah, I do have a really sick look..college mates used to ask me this," Are you sick again?Why you look so pale?" I do not know why I look pale even if I'm okay ,I'm not sick..

Guess I have to just agreed with some sayings that you'll look sick outside if you're internally sick..mentally sick..yesh,I am I am. I'm a very weak person..cause I'm girl! My heart is the weakest. Cause its already broken.Once it's broken in pieces,its damn hard to fix it back.

It's been so long already,I'm even lazy to count ,it last like this how long already..I don't know who I am..I don't like myself..really,yes I really Hate myself..
I'm so sick of myself! I'm so sorry to all my friends.especially the close one.. I knew it..I know someday you people will feel sick at me as well.. I don't know why recently I became like so bad tempered and so sensitive..but in fact, I'm just very upset when I heard words which show that you guys already got bored with me..with my attitude all these while..I didn't blame because even Myself are feeling sick too! I really wanna change..I'm trying my bes But I'm sorry I can't change things..

I did try you know?I did..I'm trying hard ,very hard every single days..but I just couldn't get happy..so I'll just party hard..perhaps to get high and happy for that particular moment..I know I've been acting like a stupid immature person but I don't care..I'm not being greedy..I just need someone who can support me,someone who can comfort me,someone who can understand me,listen to me,can accept who am I. Do you guys know whats the feeling when your closest family members felt the same way as the others feel and choosed to give up on you
? Let me tell you, You'll feel so hopeless about yourself. You might want to give up on yourself too. But I'm trying best to ignore those unhappy things. Telling myself that it is Nothing Cause You've been through Shit Michelle Ng!

Whatever you guys wanna call me ,Drunktard,alcoholic,emo kid,blah blah blah..I Don't fucking care okay?You don't know me!So just get the hell out of my life.thanks. I don't need your judgement.
And yeah,I admit I'm very stubborn. but sorry I can't change it. That's just me.
Yes I do feel upset when people call me a bad girl,told me that I've changed a lot,ask me to behave like a good girl,tell me that I shouldnt do this and that..I do think about it all the time..
I'll accept some and ignore the rest. but guess what?if you guys really don't like my attitude now,it's ok just fuck off cause neither Me.

I have soo much things to write.been keeping inside too long..gonna be mad soon!
I've been keeping things away from some of my close friends,I'm sorry..Cause I assumed that you guys already fed up with my complains ,sad stories. I don't want you guys to feel annoyed.
That's why whenever you all ask me:"How are you?How's life?Is everything okay?" I'll definitely give positive answer..I don't wanna lie..but I'm just being too negative already so I have no choice but sometimes to act in front of y'all. I really hope I can talk. I can express it out loud.But when you reach a point which you tell all your stories out and people can't understand ,you'll feel it's pointless to tell. So I rather keep it all. Sometimes I try to act happy in front of my friends,cause I don't want to be an emo person,unhappy person. I don't want them to worry..I don't want to show face like the rest of the world owe me things..but I know that I'm just lying to myself.

I don't understand why people can get over bad/sad things so fast but I can't.
I jealous them. I feel like an idiot seeing you getting over it SO fast and can just moved on with your life like a rocket but lefting me stucked here. I hate myself. I hate I still cannot get over it and move on. I hate that You're still the one that affects my life the most.I hate that you still appear in my dream everyday every night.I hate that my heart is still aching when I see you are trying to approach some new girls. I don't want to see you. I don't want to go school.I'm so sick of myself,so sick of everything..so lazy to wake up from my dreams..But tell me why god arrange things in such a way ?Don't tell me it is fate..I hate this word.
I dont believe that there are always rainbows after the rain. Cause it will never happen on me, I don't see it~

Scars.Memories.Tattoos.

Scars are like memories, and tattoos. When you fall, when your heart breaks, and when someone really important to you turns their back on you, it leaves a Scar that can hurt every-time you think about it. It’s a Memory that is stuck in your head regardless where you are and what you are doing. It’s in the past, but it comes back and bites. It’s a Tattoo because it’s a Memory that Hurts, but Does Not disappear. It Never does. When you see it so vividly, you sometimes regret what led to the scar that is a memory that leaves an imprint in your life’s history. =\

THE WAY TO LOVE ANYTHING IS TO REALIZE THAT IT MIGHT BE LOST

TRULY loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means Full Acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood.

A man can go from being a Lover to a Stranger in three moves flat but a woman under the guise of friendship will engage in acts of duplicity which come to light very much later.There are different species of Self-justification

It's a thing call Heartbreak.

I hate this feeling,
it's one I know all to well,
it's a thing called HEARTBREAK
The hardest thing to do is to watch the one you love, loving someone else.
You'll never ever know how much it hurts when seeing Your loves one and someone else Happy Sweet Pictures...

Why did I fall for you when you just keep falling for her???

I cry Not because it's over.I cry it's because it happened.
I've shed too much of tears..Lord please take away my pain!

Sometimes letting go is another way of saying I Love You

When I kissed him,

my world around me melted.
When he held me in his arms
and rested his head on mine,
I forgot everything but my world
that was holding me.
Even though all of you may see
something in him that is so horrible,
all I see is all the positive,
and special moments that
he ever shared with me...
The only thing that I regret
is listening to everyone else,
because if I had listened to my heart,
I would still have him by my side.
He would still be just a phone call away.
But now, he's just a phone call away
for someone else...
I'm trying really hard not to cry over you
because every tear is just one
more reminder that I don't know how to let you go. :'(

I thought I'd forget you but I Forgot to.

I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody
but I surely hate it more to see the one I love unhappy with me...

There are times when I cant decide
whether to see you or not,
I want to see you because I miss you
but there are times when I dont want to see you
because everytime I do,
the fact that you dont see me the way
that I see you hurts me even more ...

Nothing hurts more than realising you meant
everything to me, but I meant nothing to you.

Is not the tears that fall from the eyes and cover my cheek but the tears from the heart that brings my soul away.

You're not worth the tears,
you're not worth the heartache.
I don't know why I give you the time.
You're not worth the pain,
you're not worth the emptiness.
I don't know why I wish you were mine.

Keep forgetting (to forget about you)-Jojo

Na, Na, Noo
Mmmm
Yeah, Yeah

Thinking back when we got together
In our hearts we were saying forever
So in love, boy we were so in love, mmm
Jealousy wasn't what we wanted, we broke up
And when you looked into my eyes I should of spoke up
And held you near, then I wouldn't be alone
And here it comes again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

I would be crazy to say that we were perfect
And sometimes I was wondering if it was worth it
But now I see, how could you run from me?
And everytime I drive by your apartment
I get this overwhelming urge to walk in
And see your face and to be in that place all over again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never though that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
The football games, the hometown friends
I'm just glad to see an end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Ooo oh, Oooh, Yeah,
Here it comes again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
(I don't want to think about you baby so much)
All the things we did and the way that we touched (we touched)
Just when I think about someone new (new)
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
(I keep on forgetting to forget about you)

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head (head)
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
(I keep on forgetting to forget about you)
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

Noo, Oh,

Yeah,

Forget about you

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry even once in a while
Even though goin' on with ya gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again i pretend
I'm okay but that's not what gets me
What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowin' what could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends
And I'm alone
Still harder getting up getting dressed dealin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade,give away all the words that I saved
In my heart that I left unspoken
What hurts the most is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowin' what could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do,oh..
What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowin' what could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
That's what I was tryin' to do
Oh~~~


What Hurts The Most-Rascal Flatts

Memorable one

uhmz.........I've been looking for this song's name for quite some time..and...I didn't listen this song like for month?
It's just so happening that i heard from radio while i was on my way home after work..
I don't know since when i started to like this song..maybe because of some reasons..
On the moment that i listened this song,i had some weird feelings.It is un-describable.A lot of memories just reappeared on my mind... =[



Ps: Ignore the title of the song..=.=' is actually "What do you want from me" & sorry for the missing part of the video.

Carlsberg

Well,C.A.R.L.S.B.E.R.G , I guess the past time i wouldn't even know how to spell this damn word.

C-Cure your trouble-ness
A-awesome
R-Right choice
L-Let's party!
S-sleep well
B-best drink
E-emotion
R-relax,release stress
G-good for health x)

Since when i become an alcoholic?LOL

Don't blame me~ =P From days to days,I realized that Carlsberg can be our best friend!this is not bullshit man..let me prove it to you guys...
Firstly,it can accompany us when we need somebody but we couldn't find anyone.
Secondly,it can accompany us when we are sad,depress,down,happy or excited.
Then,it can definitely make you sleep better,with no worries (strongly recommended for people who suffer from insomnia,can have a good try on carlsberg ;) )
And of course,it can make u drunk and forget unhappy stuffs (if you not so easy get drunk then is better /hehe )
Lastly,it is the BEST painkiller (of mine) =)

I guess i'm addicted to it hahaha..ignore the definition of "G" ^__^ it ain't good for health friends!i guess my stomach already had a lot of "holes" lol.
Fyi,physical health effects of alcohol consumption may include cirrhosis of the liver,pancreatitis,epilepsy,polyneuropathy,alcoholic dementia,chronic gastritis,sexual dysfunction and death from many sources.
Sounds scary isn't it?But who cares?!oops sorry,maybe You cares but i don't =D cause i found it has MORE good effects...
-increase insulin sensitivity -lower risk of diabetes -reduce the number of silent infarcts -decrease risk of dementia -increases HDL -decrease risk of thrombosis -reduces fibrinogen,increases fibrinolysis -REDUCES ARTERY SPASM FROM STRESS -increase coronary blood flow

SO,yeah! YAyyy,CHeers!!! x)

不需老埋怨别人，先看看自己。

他人不会错，

如果他人错，
一定是我看错，
如果不是我看错，
也是因为我的错，
才会导致他的错。
如果认为他人不会错，
你的日子一定会过得很不错！

Dream Come True ^^

Hey DUDE!Guess what? I'm back to my rusting blog..just because someone asked me to update and my mood to blog just on so...here it goes..
I'm super duper excited because Finally i have a chance to watch my babee.."DOLPHINS" phew~ omg~ i couldn't believe this...
didn't expect i'll have a chance to watch the dolphin show in Malaysia..it was the only first time M'sia have dolphin show..so absolutely i won't miss out this golden opportunity~! =P and of course i hope i can watch the show with my friends =) (Who wanna join? ;D )
*Thanks to bear who supply me all these information*
*Sunway Pyramid -1 December09-7 February2010
*weekdays 3.30pm,6.30pm,9.30pm
*rm50 for adults,rm30 for kids (3-12 years old).Free of charge for kids below 3 years old(i wish i was below 3 years old) xD
*if you shop in pyramid,you'll get 30% off on ticket

I swear i'm gonna watch this no matter how broke am i~ x)
okays now lets some pictures illustrate and do the talking ;)

SO CUTE RIGHT??My babee!! =D

OKays I'm done..will provide more pictures after i watch the show...now what i need is $$$ $_$ Teeheeee...I'm so excited! =D

I Miss him So badly.. . .

<3 <3 <3
I MISS HIM SO BADLY~
He is working so hard at Singapore from night , midnight and continuously until morning...
while what are we doing at here ,Malaysia right now??!
Hope he will always stay healthy and Take good care of himself..

Before It's too Late

Sometimes we hurt our friend's feelings but we don't know.
They Cry Alone but we don't know.
They even pray for us but we don't know.
So as a friend,we should apologize or say:"I'm Sorry if i did anything to hurt you."
Do that if you ever hurt your friends.
So that they know you need their forgiveness from them.
Otherwise,I BET you'll definitely REGRET...
Once we lost it,only we'll know how to appreciate it.. isn't it is too late?
So just do it,just do it...before it's too late and before you regret..

没勇气的我

×没勇气的我，我最讨厌了！
不管是做任何事情都是将～唉～
总是犹豫不决，做不了任何决定。×
--SPM 只剩下一个多月了，别人都在努力着，奋斗着，唯独我。。。
真搞不懂我在干啥！明明知道应该读，必须读，但，总是读不起来。--
感觉我的生活好像缺乏了什么。。。怪怪的。
不温书，罪恶感又加深～不温又不是，温又不是
我好矛盾，最讨厌酱了！
谁能行行好，教教我怎样做～ @_@

Random post

Wallowing in self-pity is the worst thing i've ever done...
coz no one will know it,no one can see it,no one will care bout it,no one will give a damn about it..
so instead of wallowing in self-pity,LAUGH and SHAKE IT OFF that bad feelings!

Ice Cream does not cure anymore..

Today i realised ice cream doesn't cure anymore.
I used to eat ice cream when im not happy..mcflurry?vanila flavour?baskin robbin?
But it doesnt really work on me nowadays. howcome? somehow,its quite sad for me..HAHAHA
but who cares?no1 will care about it i guess..
uhm,yesterday was the memorable one for me
I've been Locked outside in the middle of the night..with Bro! that's CooL isnt it? Yayyyy~ (sarcastic)
the worst thing was no1 came down and open the door for us..joanne was sleeping like A PIG!
But finally mom came down and opened the door.=X
Yesterday was really a "GOOD GOOD" night for me..no jokes. x]
And...the main point is..I STARTED TO HATE MYSELF! I started to forget who am i?!Lost in direction,no aim,no target,foggy future...ahha!
I have to walk through it by my own i guess...no matter how tough it is,how hard for me to swallow those shyt...i still have to carry on~
MICHELLE NG! YOU should Start Accepting THE TRUTH!
Bye.

*Saturday*

8.00am

• zk fetched me ,bear bear and wy go oncidium bsb court ply bsb...bt actually was bear bear's cycling lesson ! =D
• started to teach her cycling..bt she was wearing high heels so i ran back home to take slippers for her..it took some times for us to borrow a bike =X
• ended up we used two bike ( cc's one and matin's one) but then matin's one was too high for bear bear.

9.30am++

• we had dinner at mamak kandar...then went back to bsb court again..continue to teach bear bear cycle...while zk cc and wy plyed bsb..bt all of 'em did help to teach bear bear also..
• however...bear bear still couldnt balance herself ,so ended up the lesson failed..

11.00am

• reached home..did some chores...

1.30pm

• zk fetched us to have lunch again..(thanks for our driver!) xP
• had lunch at "ju mu ban min"
• it was the 1st time bear bear finished her food..(haha!) xD

3.00pm++

• i went back home while bear bear headed to wy's hs..
• had some nap coz i was v tired..

5.00pm

• wy suddenly rang up...then i quickly woke up coz she told me they were coming my hs and they were already outside my hs!
• what a surprise!LOL xD
• carmen,wy,joey and cc came in my room chit chatting..they jz came bck frm yc at oldtown bt i couldnt join
• then zk also came and chit chat...
• they suggested to go pasar tani to buy apam balik?! yeah something lidat larh lols.
• i didnt follow so they tapao for me..thanks ya guys! ( the whole day was FUN!) =)
  

5.30pm++

• changed clothes and prepared to go merve's partayy!
• they came back v apam balik...thx alot! >.<"

6.00pm++

• jimmy fetched me go cc hs..then i drove to kaini's hs to pick her up
• started our journey to kepong(was the hard 1~=X)
• we got lost although they used the so call gps thingy
• ended up we reached merve's place by one and a half our after asking direction from some guard!(wth.we still gt 2nd party which is shaun tan's party but its 8pm =)

8.00pm+++

• reached merve's hs and ate dinner there..
• took some pic with merve..she looked gorgeous with her saree =D

9.00pm++

• left merve's hs coz we had another party...cc suggested to drive back cz jim drove too slow bt jim nt allowed
• however..jim let cc drove on the halfway back~swt!
• we nearly go to hell!but due to cc's "fast thinking and react" we were all safe..lols xD
• fetched kai ni back home then headed to shaun tan's party

10.00pm++

• reached shaun tan's house..
• did nothing there
• followed the guys to bsb court..watched them ply bsb
  

11.30pm

• i drove matin,zheng chi,chee chew back home =D (not bad rite my driving skills? ;) ) haha xD

12.00pm

• reached home...
• online awhile..
• sleep! zZz
  

nice saturday bt holidays are ending~sobx...
somehow..i really enjoyed my day! thanks to all my friends ;)