爱过的心，伤痕累累！

不是每个擦肩而过的人都会相识，也不是每个相识的人都会让人牵挂。至少我们在今生，在那个地方，在一转身的时候没有错过。 在我们双眼相望的时候，在眼中找到了爱的缘份。若大的地球上能和你相遇真的不容易，感谢上天给了我们这次相识，相恋的缘份。 曾经我也带给你快乐，曾经我也带给你幸福。 曾经我也让你焦灼和无奈，曾经你也让我等待和期盼。 也曾经我们都忘了自己，体会那心跳的感觉和缠绵的爱。 只是有一段感情再也不可能继续，有一个人再也不能相依偎，有一个声音再也不能经常的在耳边响起，有一双手再也握不住那手心的温度与舒适。 不是每一段爱情都有美丽的回忆，也不是每段回忆都是那么的刻骨铭心。 我们既然不能相伴到老，就让我在这里为你祝福。因为你已是我今生永远无法割舍的牵挂。只是再多的思念和牵挂也换不回拥有你的日子。失去第一次最爱的人竟是这种感觉，原来爱你和放弃一样的不容易。也许你的那句‘我爱你’曾经是个玩笑，但我付出的依然是最真的心。 如果你真的爱过我，那我是幸福的。就算和你走不到天涯，我的心依然为你牵挂。我会为你永远的祈祷和祝福，愿你永远的幸福---平安。当你不开心的时候，我会陪你流泪。当你不快乐的时候，我就是你的开心果。当你孤独的时候，有我在陪你说话。当你伤感的时候，我会和你一样的忧郁。当你梦见我的时候，那是我再想你了…… 不要你给我太多，不要你的任何承诺，也不要你的任何责任。不要你能深深的记着我，不要你记着我们曾经的一切一切…… 只想让你偶尔的时候还会想起我，偶尔想起那个曾经那么深深爱过你的人，那个曾经带着微笑给你温柔的，给过你完完整整的心..

GREY

My mood is in grey colour..nonono..it's in BLack~!
I don't fucking know why good things will never happen on me..always the bad one..problems problems and problems!
Nothing is good! It's so fucking unfair.
Family,love,studies,friendship...

I once relied on friendship when I was lost..cause that's the only thing I could rely on.
Friends always come first..but I still do love my family.(its just that we communicate in a different way)

TODAY IS REALLY A BAD BAD DAY FOR ME.
I don't know why.it feels like another important person gave up on me. I know It might seem too serious to say that,but that's how I feel. I'm dying inside..for a really long time..this time is like more deeper...

Disappointment is what I get. Sorry Is my bad Its all my fault. I got problems. I don't know what I'm talking.I need to see a psychologist!! My problems have never been cure so far..I'm suffering from major depression..whoever comes near me or mix too much with me might get influence by me also..I'm the only person with sad face..all of them are happy..why I just can't be one of them? I hate it so much!

You're mad at me for the reason that I didn't even think of it and the worse part I didnt even realized it..how funny is that?I don't deserve anyone. You 'll just get hurt and sick cause you havta deal with a psycho like ME!

You're mad at me
I'm Mad at myself too. I don't know what to do.
I'm tired. Exhausted.
You're right..its true..
Pretty sad right to look at me?to have a friend like me?

It was so shocking that actually you can also know my weaknesses.
Yes,I'm that kind of person.
I have low self-esteem.
I do not love myself and instead..I do not know how to..
That is why I don't deserve anyone..How could us love someone else when we don't even know how to love ourself?I'm always reminding myself that I don't deserve anyone until the day that I already start loving myself..but seems it'll never come true.

I'm feeling so sad for myself too after you telling me that you're just so sad to look at me cause I do not love myself. I do not need pity..I felt offended but I know you were right.
But instead of telling me this..is there any better things that you can do?If not then please.. just don't let me know and let me down..just keep it yourself..cause its so shameful! so shameful to have a friend like me!

This is me..that's why for having this kind of attitude..the bad things happen at the first place.
I CAN'T HELP IT~I'm like that since young!guess what?!even my mom said wanna bring me go see psychologist.
You tell me what the hell I can do?
Why would I try so hard to fix something which was already broken so badly and cannot be fix back anymore?isn't it useless? I rather be spoilt. Yes I am.
Trust me.I don't wanna hurt anybody.
Just leave me alone.

I'm So Sick!

I'm so sick about myself! I'm famous as a sicko ,friends always said Im like a medicine provider..anyone who feels sick just can come and get any medicine they want from me..menstrual panadol,normal panadol,oil,fever medicine,stomachache medice..zzz
and yah, I do have a really sick look..college mates used to ask me this," Are you sick again?Why you look so pale?" I do not know why I look pale even if I'm okay ,I'm not sick..

Guess I have to just agreed with some sayings that you'll look sick outside if you're internally sick..mentally sick..yesh,I am I am. I'm a very weak person..cause I'm girl! My heart is the weakest. Cause its already broken.Once it's broken in pieces,its damn hard to fix it back.

It's been so long already,I'm even lazy to count ,it last like this how long already..I don't know who I am..I don't like myself..really,yes I really Hate myself..
I'm so sick of myself! I'm so sorry to all my friends.especially the close one.. I knew it..I know someday you people will feel sick at me as well.. I don't know why recently I became like so bad tempered and so sensitive..but in fact, I'm just very upset when I heard words which show that you guys already got bored with me..with my attitude all these while..I didn't blame because even Myself are feeling sick too! I really wanna change..I'm trying my bes But I'm sorry I can't change things..

I did try you know?I did..I'm trying hard ,very hard every single days..but I just couldn't get happy..so I'll just party hard..perhaps to get high and happy for that particular moment..I know I've been acting like a stupid immature person but I don't care..I'm not being greedy..I just need someone who can support me,someone who can comfort me,someone who can understand me,listen to me,can accept who am I. Do you guys know whats the feeling when your closest family members felt the same way as the others feel and choosed to give up on you
? Let me tell you, You'll feel so hopeless about yourself. You might want to give up on yourself too. But I'm trying best to ignore those unhappy things. Telling myself that it is Nothing Cause You've been through Shit Michelle Ng!

Whatever you guys wanna call me ,Drunktard,alcoholic,emo kid,blah blah blah..I Don't fucking care okay?You don't know me!So just get the hell out of my life.thanks. I don't need your judgement.
And yeah,I admit I'm very stubborn. but sorry I can't change it. That's just me.
Yes I do feel upset when people call me a bad girl,told me that I've changed a lot,ask me to behave like a good girl,tell me that I shouldnt do this and that..I do think about it all the time..
I'll accept some and ignore the rest. but guess what?if you guys really don't like my attitude now,it's ok just fuck off cause neither Me.

I have soo much things to write.been keeping inside too long..gonna be mad soon!
I've been keeping things away from some of my close friends,I'm sorry..Cause I assumed that you guys already fed up with my complains ,sad stories. I don't want you guys to feel annoyed.
That's why whenever you all ask me:"How are you?How's life?Is everything okay?" I'll definitely give positive answer..I don't wanna lie..but I'm just being too negative already so I have no choice but sometimes to act in front of y'all. I really hope I can talk. I can express it out loud.But when you reach a point which you tell all your stories out and people can't understand ,you'll feel it's pointless to tell. So I rather keep it all. Sometimes I try to act happy in front of my friends,cause I don't want to be an emo person,unhappy person. I don't want them to worry..I don't want to show face like the rest of the world owe me things..but I know that I'm just lying to myself.

I don't understand why people can get over bad/sad things so fast but I can't.
I jealous them. I feel like an idiot seeing you getting over it SO fast and can just moved on with your life like a rocket but lefting me stucked here. I hate myself. I hate I still cannot get over it and move on. I hate that You're still the one that affects my life the most.I hate that you still appear in my dream everyday every night.I hate that my heart is still aching when I see you are trying to approach some new girls. I don't want to see you. I don't want to go school.I'm so sick of myself,so sick of everything..so lazy to wake up from my dreams..But tell me why god arrange things in such a way ?Don't tell me it is fate..I hate this word.
I dont believe that there are always rainbows after the rain. Cause it will never happen on me, I don't see it~

Scars.Memories.Tattoos.

Scars are like memories, and tattoos. When you fall, when your heart breaks, and when someone really important to you turns their back on you, it leaves a Scar that can hurt every-time you think about it. It’s a Memory that is stuck in your head regardless where you are and what you are doing. It’s in the past, but it comes back and bites. It’s a Tattoo because it’s a Memory that Hurts, but Does Not disappear. It Never does. When you see it so vividly, you sometimes regret what led to the scar that is a memory that leaves an imprint in your life’s history. =\

THE WAY TO LOVE ANYTHING IS TO REALIZE THAT IT MIGHT BE LOST

TRULY loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means Full Acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood.

A man can go from being a Lover to a Stranger in three moves flat but a woman under the guise of friendship will engage in acts of duplicity which come to light very much later.There are different species of Self-justification

It's a thing call Heartbreak.

I hate this feeling,
it's one I know all to well,
it's a thing called HEARTBREAK
The hardest thing to do is to watch the one you love, loving someone else.
You'll never ever know how much it hurts when seeing Your loves one and someone else Happy Sweet Pictures...

Why did I fall for you when you just keep falling for her???

I cry Not because it's over.I cry it's because it happened.
I've shed too much of tears..Lord please take away my pain!

Sometimes letting go is another way of saying I Love You

When I kissed him,

my world around me melted.
When he held me in his arms
and rested his head on mine,
I forgot everything but my world
that was holding me.
Even though all of you may see
something in him that is so horrible,
all I see is all the positive,
and special moments that
he ever shared with me...
The only thing that I regret
is listening to everyone else,
because if I had listened to my heart,
I would still have him by my side.
He would still be just a phone call away.
But now, he's just a phone call away
for someone else...
I'm trying really hard not to cry over you
because every tear is just one
more reminder that I don't know how to let you go. :'(